(Farmer, Mad-man, Intellectual, Lab-tech: Pollen)Jesus, Michael Pollen is so hot right now! It’s already universally known that the Sunday NY Times Magazine is as much a part of our proud bourgeois culture as floppy baseball hats, canvas totes, and brunch. (I don’t actually know what use the canvas tote had before all this fresh, organic produce appeared.) But now M.P. goes and drops another mega-article in the Mag? It’s almost too much.
He basically says that food shows are otherworldly in their impracticality; we spend too much time watching others cook and not enough doing it ourselves and that folks need to get back to basics, get off their asses and into the kitchen. So the argument follows thus: the stuff on TV isn’t real; we’ve replaced doing with watching; we – men and women – need to get back in there and start cooking!
Truth be told, I think Pollen has a future not only in the food world but also that of non-pornographic intimacy videos. Really, we could replace the food-talk with sex and keep the structure of the article intact. I don’t know what role Julia Child would play in all this but Pollen would figure it out, he’s a smart guy.
Pollen does not suggest, of course, that we (good bespectacled, left-leaning, cap-wearing, Obama-voting, tote-swinging, farmer’s market habitués) need to read less about food. Indeed, we develop our culinary stamina through Pollen’s tantric, Svengali lessons. But since I’ve already told you more than you need to know about the article, you don’t have to read it. Now you can spend more time watching pornography, or telling your friend about this blog.
Pollen’s will no doubt spend a lot of time as one of the NYT “most popular articles.” As someone with great faith in the infallibility of popular consensus I limit my reading to only the most popular of articles. As such I was disappointed to discover that Mark Bittman’s 101 Simple Salads for the Season had been dropped from the list like a Julia Child potato pancake. I tried valiantly to get through the damn thing but I just couldn’t finish it. Jicama and Mango? Raw Beets? The remnants of a grilled hot dog? And this guy calls himself “The Minimalist?!” He sounds like a fucking Futurist.
Here are two representative entries (with my red highlighting and commentary indicating points of particular awe:
44. Make a crisp grilled cheese sandwich, with good bread and not too much good cheese. Let it cool, then cut into croutons. Put them on anything, but especially tomato and basil salad. This you will do forever [What the hell does this even mean?].
81. Soak sliced prune plums or figs in balsamic vinegar for a few minutes, then add olive oil, chopped celery and red onion, shreds of roasted or grilled chicken, chopped fresh marjoram or oregano and chopped almonds. Serve on top of or toss with greens. So good [Come on Bittman!!].
Is he high?!? Did these recipes come to him in some bizarre dream? If you want to know what it felt like slogging through Bittman’s article watch this:
Or better yet take this advice: don’t read Bittman, don’t read Pollen, stop reading this blog for a few minutes and go put some sea salt and lemon on fresh spicy arugula. Eat it. These things will make you happy.
Pollen does not suggest, of course, that we (good bespectacled, left-leaning, cap-wearing, Obama-voting, tote-swinging, farmer’s market habitués) need to read less about food. Indeed, we develop our culinary stamina through Pollen’s tantric, Svengali lessons. But since I’ve already told you more than you need to know about the article, you don’t have to read it. Now you can spend more time watching pornography, or telling your friend about this blog.
Pollen’s will no doubt spend a lot of time as one of the NYT “most popular articles.” As someone with great faith in the infallibility of popular consensus I limit my reading to only the most popular of articles. As such I was disappointed to discover that Mark Bittman’s 101 Simple Salads for the Season had been dropped from the list like a Julia Child potato pancake. I tried valiantly to get through the damn thing but I just couldn’t finish it. Jicama and Mango? Raw Beets? The remnants of a grilled hot dog? And this guy calls himself “The Minimalist?!” He sounds like a fucking Futurist.
Here are two representative entries (with my red highlighting and commentary indicating points of particular awe:
44. Make a crisp grilled cheese sandwich, with good bread and not too much good cheese. Let it cool, then cut into croutons. Put them on anything, but especially tomato and basil salad. This you will do forever [What the hell does this even mean?].
81. Soak sliced prune plums or figs in balsamic vinegar for a few minutes, then add olive oil, chopped celery and red onion, shreds of roasted or grilled chicken, chopped fresh marjoram or oregano and chopped almonds. Serve on top of or toss with greens. So good [Come on Bittman!!].
Is he high?!? Did these recipes come to him in some bizarre dream? If you want to know what it felt like slogging through Bittman’s article watch this:
Or better yet take this advice: don’t read Bittman, don’t read Pollen, stop reading this blog for a few minutes and go put some sea salt and lemon on fresh spicy arugula. Eat it. These things will make you happy.
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